Things On My Mind

I am so blessed. Not because of anything that I have done to deserve it, but because my Father in Heaven is gracious, wonderful, and He works all things together for good. I have a lot of thoughts in my head so this post probably won't make sense, but that's okay.

My husband rocks my socks off.  He leads our family selflessly and always puts the needs of our family over his own needs. He loves me when I am at my worst and does not hold it over my head. He is so patient and he makes me want to be better. I'm not saying he is perfect, because he isn't, but he is absolutely perfect for me. I know he will make a great father one day and even though he will be the pushover and I will have to be the stern one, that's okay. Because that's how God made him.

Speaking of my husband's patience...as patient as my husband is, I am the complete opposite. I am always ready for the next thing. This is most evident by my actions in high school, when all I wanted was to be "grown up." I had amazing Christian friends who were my age, but I was willing to give that all up to hang with the older crowd. I lost my way and did things that I am not proud of at all...all in an attempt to be grown up. I still to this day struggle with patience. I seem to always be ready to jump the gun on things.

Which leads to my controlling nature. I enjoy planning and being prepared for anything. From finances, vacations, time-lines, and future goals, I know exactly when and how I want certain things to happen. And while I think saving money is a fantastic way to steward God's money, I know that sometimes I find my security in that bank account. We have been saving to finish off our emergency fund and for a down payment on our first house. The plan would be to be able to not have to re-sign our lease which will be up mid-November of 2013 and then start a family soon after.

But I don't think that I've asked God what His plans for us are. Sure, I've prayed that God would lead us to the right house, but the right house would obviously only come in Sumner or Williamson county. I've prayed that God would help us to be good stewards of his money, but instead of finding my security in God's plan and thanking him that we both have jobs, I think of how great Chris and I have been at saving. Which is completely ridiculous because nothing that we have is ours. It is all Gods.

So today, I am praying for patience. That is a scary thing to pray for because it means trusting in God's timing and control, not my own. It means I may very well live in an apartment for longer than I would like and it might even mean we can't start a family when we want. But that's okay. Because the times in my life that have been the best are when I trust God with reckless abandon. So I ask you to please pray with me as I embark on this journey. Because trusting in God one hundred percent is not always easy. Letting Him be in control of my life is difficult for me. But I know it will be worth it. Because He promised it would be.